Couples Therapy

Are You Experiencing A Failure To Communicate?

Are you and your partner fighting more often or avoiding conversations to prevent yet another argument? Has criticism, stonewalling, and name-calling become the norm? As you become more estranged from each other, has physical and emotional intimacy suffered?

Perhaps a lack of caring and consideration underlies the issues between you two. Whereas once you held each other in high esteem, it may seem like lately you’re both filled with defensiveness and resentment. This lack of emotional connection feeds into all aspects of your relationship, affecting your sex life, your ability to communicate, and your trust in one another.

You May Have Reached An Impasse In Effective Communication

What could be most frustrating about the current state of your relationship is your inability to express yourself to your partner. Whenever you try to engage in a meaningful conversation, it may devolve into anger, bitterness, and frustration.

The common stressors of life, such as finances, the kids, or your extended families, could be undermining the bond you once had. Maybe you no longer feel like you’re a united front against the rest of the world. As you drift further away from each other, you may wonder if your partner has been unfaithful, or, perhaps, you’re the one who’s contemplating infidelity.

If you worry that your relationship is in crisis, you or your partner may feel anxious, depressed, or be self-medicating with drugs or alcohol to cope with your distress. You only wish there was a way for you to love and understand each other the way you used to.

Even if it seems as though your relationship is at a breaking point, couples therapy can bring you back to each other. By implementing effective communication techniques, you can learn how to actively listen to one another and navigate conflict without defensiveness or anger.

We Often Take Our Romantic Partners For Granted

Communication lies at the heart of all relationships. And by their very nature, our relationships—with romantic partners, family members, friends, and coworkers—can be rife with challenges. However, out of everyone, it’s our partners who we tend to take for granted the most. We may believe that, because our love for them is unconditional, our partner should accept us no matter what—even when we communicate or behave poorly.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise that divorce and dissolution remain a common outcome of relationships.¹ According to research featured in Psychology Today, the most common reasons why couples find it difficult to maintain their romantic relationships were “fading enthusiasm, long work hours, and a lack of personal time and space.”²

Our Egos Can Hinder Healthy Relationships

Most of us enter relationships with deeply held beliefs and biases that can get in the way of healthy communication. Rather than learning how to put our egos aside and express genuine compassion for each other, we may unknowingly pass along unhealthy communication styles we learned from our families. However, we often have blind spots to our own shortcomings.

We may put off seeking therapy if we think admitting we need help is a sign of weakness. Or perhaps we remain in denial about how badly the relationship has deteriorated, worrying that if couples therapy is necessary, it could signal the beginning of the end.

But there’s no reason to put off seeking the help you need to rebuild your relationship. Couples therapy using the Gottman Method has proven results for improving communication and restoring closeness.³

Effective Couples Therapy Hinges On Improving Communication

Before starting counseling, you may have lost sight of how emotionally disconnected you’ve become from each other and how much your communication has suffered. Couples therapy offers a safe space for both of you to feel seen and heard. Remaining unbiased and positively supportive, your couples counselor will intervene when bad habits arise and redirect you to engage in healthier, more beneficial patterns of communication.

In couples counseling, you will learn how to rebound from conflict more easily and repair emotional scars before either of you is triggered or retraumatized. Through gentle examination, you will become more aware of your part in the dysfunctional communication that has taken hold.

By the end of treatment, you will gain awareness of where the vulnerabilities within your relationship exist. By learning how to identify bad communication habits that perpetuate conflict, you can replace these habits with more effective styles of communication that will bring you closer together.

What To Expect In Sessions

Before we meet initially, your counselor will have each of you take a Gottman Method couples assessment. Although this questionnaire only takes about 20 minutes to complete, its well-structured questions are designed to highlight your strengths and weaknesses as a couple. Having this information allows us to jump into therapy with an understanding of what your problem areas are while acknowledging and giving credence to your underlying strengths.

By the end of the first session, you will have tools and assignments to work on for that week. Each week thereafter, we will assess where you are, teaching and implementing more tools for you to practice. By week four, you should start noticing improvements in communication. And as we continue to build on your newfound skills, our goal will be for you to complete marriage counseling by week ten.

The Gottman Method For Couples Counseling

We utilize the Gottman Method’s communication techniques and tools for couples counseling. The Gottman Method is research-based and highly effective in developing healthy partnerships.⁴ This type of marital counseling is directive, goal-oriented, and brief.

Regardless of the conflict you may be experiencing, the Gottman Method provides you with effective tools to improve communication. The foundation we establish will work on developing better emotional regulation skills so you can engage in productive discussions free of defensiveness or stonewalling.

By learning how to actively listen and stay curious about your partner’s viewpoint of the problem at hand, you will be able to talk about things without it coming out as criticism. After all, everyone wants to be seen, heard, and valued—active listening is an invaluable skill that you can carry into all of your relationships.

Once you have the right tools at your disposal, your relationship can thrive. Learning to turn toward each other at times of conflict or disagreement will lead to more connection, intimacy, and a deeper, more loving bond.

But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…

My partner doesn't want to come to couples counseling with me.

Commonly, one partner is more motivated than the other to seek couples therapy. If you want to seek couples counseling but your partner doesn’t, I recommend that you start individual therapy. By controlling the controllable—that is, your own behavior—you can ensure that you have established a safe space to discuss with your partner their reservations about seeing a couples counselor. By learning how to set safe boundaries, actively listen, and become a better communicator, you will hopefully model for your partner how you want the relationship to improve.

I’m afraid the couples therapist will take sides.

Understandably, working with a couples counselor can you make you feel vulnerable. Not only are you confiding in your therapist about the problems in your marriage, but you’re also trusting they won’t take your partner’s side. However, as a therapist who specializes in working with couples, I’m trained to have a non-biased approach. I aim to make each of you feel seen, heard, and valued. And if you ever feel like this isn’t happening during a session, I encourage you to speak up immediately so I can make whatever adjustments are necessary.

What if I’m not sure our relationship is worth saving?

If you’ve been questioning if your relationship is salvageable, you may feel frozen in place and make no decision at all. However, seeking discernment on whether or not the marriage is worth saving is often one of the reasons why couples come to therapy. Short-term couples counseling can help you make a mutual decision so you’re no longer stuck. At the end of 8-10 sessions, we will evaluate whether communication has improved enough to keep the relationship going or if amicable separation may be a better option.

When You Improve Communication, Everything Else Falls Into Place

Imagine the closeness and connection you will feel once you’ve learned to turn toward each other and be on the same page. If you would like to find out more about couples therapy with us and would like a free consultation, you may call us at 313-509-8817 or visit our contact page.