What's the secret to happiness?
One of the consistent concerns I get from clients is “I just want to be happier”. And when I ask them what it would look like, they often give external things, “I want a good relationship with my partner”, “I want to have enough money”, “I want to be successful”.
I ask them the miracle question, “If I could snap my fingers and make you happy tomorrow, what would change?”
And usually, there’s either a silence, or those external things. Oh, and “I don’t know, I’ll just feel better”.
Happiness is something we all chase, but what is it? What is your definition of happiness?
The wrong definitions of happiness
- Things are easy?
- Things work out the way we want?
- No more worries?
- No stress?
Wrong. That’s what we think brings us happiness. But, ask yourself this… when have you been the most proud of yourself? It’s probably not after things are easy or not stressful. It’s probably after you have endured something hard. Probably after you overcame something big.
That’s the key to happiness. Embracing the struggle. Embracing the growth.
And my favorite definition of happiness? Personal growth and achievement. This comes from Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project.
These things do not happen without struggle. You grow most when you push yourself out of comfort into discomfort. So, when we want to have happiness? It’s not out of comfort, it’s out of discomfort and growth.
How to be happier in your moment to moment lives
Comfort
Growth and Happiness
Avoiding hard things
Staying put
Being passive
Being sedentary
Staying scared
Choosing hard things and learning through failure
Pushing forward into growth
Being active and taking small steps into the unknown
Staying active and moving
Leaning into courage
Choosing courage over comfort
So, what should you take away from this little article? Lean into courage. Do the hard thing, not the easy thing. Grow. Achieve. That is the key to happiness.
This means that even in struggle and hard times, you can find happiness. Happiness is not all those external things. It’s internal in your confidence, pride and joy in your growth.
Brene Brown talks about vulnerability and trust, which are two keys to improving your internal happiness.
Share what happiness means to you. We’d love to hear your feedback.
Read more about happiness here.
If you are in need of depression counseling, reach out to Michelle Taylor, LPCC. She is a Gottman, attachment, and trust therapist and life coach in California.
